Revision

This essay is one I enjoyed writing so, therefore, if I liked writing it I should like revising the paper. I feel as if the Personal Narrative Essay was an easy way to express something about me and why it makes me better in life unless the personal narrative was a trip somewhere like mine was.  My paper included many grammatical errors and missed a lot of comma placement. When writing the monograph, I forgot to run it through grammarly.com; the website gave me many suggestions on how to rewrite my paper.  When revising my paper, I focused on comma placement, transitions, word choice, and sentence variation. I aimed at these traits because these traits are my weaknesses and it is evident that these features needed to b worked on. With all these characterizations that I improved on, it made my paper flow better. When the paper flows better, it is easier to read and have the readers with no questions after reading it. After that, the storyline leads up to my main point to make more sense.

The days got longer and longer as we stayed out in the town of Paris. The tours were long and drawn out but fascinating. Before I went on this trip I did not know that this was the best trip, I had ever been in my life. The night Two days before one of the greatest moments of my life I was on a ferry crossing a humongous river. The ride took about three hours of sleeping, playing in the arcade, eating, and shopping. All I could imagine on the way to Paris is me standing on top of the Eiffel Tower. We were finally there after that, the city of love. I thought that we were going to go shopping, but that didn’t happen. We took the longest bus ride in the history of bus rides. Then on top of that, we had to go to a long drawn out tour after that which was fun because we went on a scavenger hunt.

            The night before was a night to remember. It started off as I sat at the desk of our hotel room ordering pizza from a Pizza Hut in Paris. Just getting out the shower I was tired but not letting myself go to sleep. We were all in different hotel rooms and not supposed to go to other rooms after 10 o’clock.  It was 11 o’clock, and every kid that was on the trip was in room 223. We were clowning, joking, being loud, and having fun. Although that night we got in trouble by chaperones on the trip after about 3 hours we were back to ourselves, enjoying our tin Paris. It was about 2 A.M. and, someone knocks on the door, and everyone in the room tried to hide but just didn’t have any hiding spots. So, after all the commotion, with me being the oldest I was forced to open the door, and there they were our principal and some other chaperones. We were told to go back to our room and got to sleep, but I didn’t go to sleep, but one of my roommates did which was a big mistake for him. As kids, do we stayed up all night on the phone and pranking him. We did every trick in the prank book from feather and shaving cream to trying to put his bed in the bathroom. After all this, it was about 5 a.m. and, we only had 2 hours of sleep, but it was worth it. Even though is a normal thing I would do at home with my friends it felt special because I was in another country. We decided to stay up so late because we thought we were going on another lame bus tour and not on top of the Eiffel Tower out of breath because of the thin hair.  

            That next day was tough with me just trying not to fall asleep. We started and nearly finished with a long drawn out tour of the city of Paris in the bus. If I say we didn’t tour every inch of that city, I would be telling a lie. But then the magical moment came when we parked that bus in front of the Eiffel Tower. That morning of the tour we went to look at the Eiffel Tower, but I didn’t know that the tour would end with me would be standing on top of it at 10:45 p.m. So, before we climbed the Eiffel Tower we went on another boat ride but I really should say a yacht ride. The boat ride was just relaxing and amazing. Right when we get off the boat we got to the best part and the part I was looking forward to the whole trip. We went to stand in the line for the elevator because no one wanted to climb 1,000 steps. So, when we got to the front of the line, I could not stop smiling.  The elevator rose as I was about to scream. I never knew this could ever happen. I was the one that got the chance to do this. It was a chance of a lifetime, and I got that chance. On the top of the tower looking over the whole city my heart was beating faster than a racehorse at the Kentucky Derby. I was the blessed child that got to feel the cold breeze hit me as I felt like we were on an elevator to space. Because of this trip this was my opportunity to realize I was blessed and learned a lot while I was in Paris. I got to learn the culture, the city, and the construction of the different buildings. The Eiffel Tower made me say this is a moment of a lifetime, and you should never forget it. This day stood out from the rest because of the shortness of breath all the way at the top and me feeling like I was on top of the world. As the wind rushed through my short hair and as I was cold and shivering to death I was still smiling, maybe because my jaws were frozen open. I’m surprised I didn’t come down with frostbite. I just wanted to stay up there forever. When we got down, I made sure I told my mom I loved her because this wouldn’t be possible without her. Also, as I got down still smiling like earlier I thought to myself, “Would this ever happen again?”